The married lifestyle with Japanese

in Community Life

#dailylife #humanrelations

7 comments

7 Comments

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urara

Jun 28, 2022

Do you guys have a life insurance? I've heard scary things from my friends about having your spouse passing away and getting zero money to live. I don't know how it works in my home country, maybe the same? Anyway it's probably something to be aware of especially with kids 😭 please share your stories and opinions

Amanda

Jun 23, 2022

I don’t want to sound like a negative person, but I have a boyfriend and we are thinking of getting married and having kids. The only thing I worry about if we ever divorce *knock on wood* and have to have a custody battle and I am not able to see my kids, what would I do? You hear so many bad stories like this in Japan, any ideas on how to ease my worries? The only advice these people have about how to make sure this won’t happen to you, is think twice about marrying a Japanese person and this really scares me. I don’t know if my partner will change in 10 years?

Jemineye

Jun 23, 2022

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Replying to

@Amanda I dunno about kids but the courts generally tend to favour the mother is what I’ve heard. Also you can file for something at your local ward office/city hall to prevent your husband from divorcing you without your consent as both parties don’t need to be present to divorce in Japan I’ve heard. It’s called a Petition for Non-Acceptance of Notification of Divorce (rikon fujuri moshidesho 離婚不受理申出書)

urara

Jun 28, 2022

Replying to

I've heard of the 離婚不受理申出書 too but I decided not to do the paper. If things go that badly between me and my husband and that he divorce without telling me...well I'd better not be married anymore with a person capable of doing that. But I get it that it is another way to protect your rights and also maybe residence permit 😅

Lieke

Apr 03, 2022

My husband is Japanese, and people often ask me "What is it like to be married to a Japanese man?". But actually, I hate that question 😂 I only know what it is like to be married to HIM, not any other Japanese man.

On the other hand, many people ask him "What is it like to be married to a foreigner?" and he feels the same way. It's even more ridiculous because "foreigners" include anyone from any country that isn't Japan.

urara

May 23, 2022

Replying to

@Lieke I feel you. Girl married to a Japanese guy here and my students often ask me "does he help you with the chores" LMAO

mikekato

May 26, 2022

Replying to

I've been married for 32 years to a Japanese woman. I completely agree. Still, she has a handful of friends who are married to (mostly) American men and they seem to have some common peeves. I believe that it has less to do with "what" we do around the house, but "how" we do it. Apparently, we tend to be confident about many things to the point that it seems overconfident. I think our spouses think of it as a kind of arrogance.

I am actually somewhat sympathetic to their sentiment on this matter. But it does have something to do with common expectations in the United States, where people expect others to be confident in what they do or believe. If you don't exhibit confidence, many people take it as a sign of weakness.

While I don't think that it is very useful to think of "Japaneseness" as the root of cultural differences in marriage, I do try to be aware as much as possible about the kinds of behaviors that might seem abrasive or confrontational to my wife. It is difficult to adjust to her needs, but I'm learning. It's part of why we've been able to stay married for all these years, I think. I hope to stay married with her for the next 32 years of our lives, too. :-)